Her heart was pouring out through tear filled words as she asked us to take her child. Emotion had overtaken her. She was in a rough spot yet had the strength to do something even a harder for her child. I will never forget that call, that day, or the sound in her voice. Her pain, her selflessness, her love was evident.
Our daughter, her daughter, knows only this beauty about her and loves her dearly.
Months passed, endless paperwork was filled out, meetings were had, joy and laughter shared, and then came the long awaited gift of the call. Mom was in labor and wanted me to come. We left this up in the air so mom could sort through her emotions without pressure. So it was a delightful surprise to get this call. The room was filled with love and joyous hearts awaiting our princess. I was there when she was born! Grandma was there with her expertise and love and support. It was truly beautiful, magnificent really.
Mom did what most would say can't be (emotionally) done; she held her and breast fed her. They don't know the strength and depth of love of this woman!
Our sweet girl was tiny and a bit undercooked so she spent some time in the NICU, nineteen days to be exact. That was tough for all of us. Mom now had to prolong the pain of placing her child and we had to wait and wonder if she would change her mind. Instead of choosing to look at it negatively mom invited me to come into the NICU with her and together we loved on our sweet girl. Jason and I both spent every moment we could there but I can honestly say that my favorite moments were when mom and I would look down at this baby we both loved and stare in silence. Oh how I admire this woman.
The day came for Josie to go home. The plan mom had was her and Grandma would bring her to us at our house rather than us take her. Even that word "take" seems hard on the ears, let alone the heart doesn't it? Instead mom replaced that harsh word with one of love. Love that simply cannot be defined nor explained. She had planned to bring her child to us and we would all spend time together around our little blessing.
The moment we opened the door an odd mix of feelings arose. We were receiving a gift like no other, an unimaginably one of a kind breathtaking gift. The gift of a child. The arms that held that child also held eyes of the giver of this gift. This woman had carried, felt every kick, spent sleepless nights with nausea, wept for, and dreamt of a bright future for her child. Here she was in front of us with our Josie, our gift. Her grandmother next to her with silent tears streaming was radiant with love for her grandchild.
This moment was imprinted on our hearts as one never to be far from our minds. A true picture of love.
It has been several years since we have seen these women but have been in contact. What most people don't know is how painful it is to look back on this beautiful moment from their view. We have and hold Josie each and every day. They don't and that hurts. That hurt is one I have been close to and witnessed yet never felt. I cannot begin to imagine how it feels each mother's day, birthday, first day of school, and so on. I say this so you all can understand it is (at least in our case) not for a lack of desire or love but of great pain that few of us will ever understand that birth family - adoptive families connect.
Through that pain and loss Josie's grandmother pushed forward. She contacted me and asked for a get together. We were delighted! We didn't tell Josie until the morning of as we knew she would be too excited to sleep. We were right and she could barely focus on school that day and upon walking in the door exclaimed "hurry up we are going to be late to meet my tummy grandma"! We had the sweetest visit and Josie loves her 'tummy grandma' so much. She showed her photos of her life and of her tummy mommy as a child and told her all about herself. Josie already felt as though she knew her at least a little because grandma never misses a birthday or holiday with a special card and a coin or dollar in it. As our visit came to an end Josie asked her grandma of she would come to our house sometime. You should have seem her smile when she said yes!
I can't wait to watch this love continue to grow.