Meth ravaged through her veins for nearly nine months. This monster in drug form fought to control and kill both mother and child. Meth lost!
Today is World Gratitude Day. Each and every time I look at my daughter I am filled with awe and wonder. She made it, she survived. God had bigger plans for her, a world of promise and hope and every good thing. She is a beautiful story of beyond a conqueror. That tiny peanut came blasting into the world a fighter with no intentions of being less than incredible.
With a plethora of diagnoses and a file two inches thick that little girl became ours forever. Thankfully none of those initials or papers define her. The choices made for her before she was born were not of her own. The woman making those choices was wounded, addicted, beautiful, funny, valuable. She is loved.
All of my children are proud of their stories. It is where they came from and they cherish the women who chose to bring them into this world. Often while at stores or on vacations I am asked to buy a memorabilia for a tummy mommy. Done! Grateful for their hearts and their desire to love.
My children teach me on a daily basis how to love well. The eyes of a child see delight and hope in a world that is routinely dark.
Today, be grateful for your story. Albeit not defining, wonderfully life shaping.

August of this year, just a mere month ago I opened up, I was transparent. I learned (still learning) many things from this. I learned that if I love the unlovable yet don't speak of it, do it away from the general population, and of course attempt to always fix them that this is an acceptable kind of love. However due to my big mouth and outspoken love I continue to be cast out of the circles that give lip service to my exact motives. Those whom I have ministered to as a pastors wife for years that have come to me with stories of deep wounds from the church are now a part of my own story. Truth be told this is a good lesson. I never would have understood the way I do now how it feels.

Here's the kicker... all I've done is love. 

This love comes at such a great cost, yet I won't stop loving because a few religious stone throwers feel the need to force everyone to love with conditions. 

I don't need to defend any specific group of people as most do a fine job on their own. This is an issue of the heart. An issue that is so uncomfortable to people that fear and hate flood their minds and then absolutely ridiculously stupid statements fly out of their mouths. 

Why does how and whom I love anger people so? Does it really matter to you on a deep personal level if I love my ex-con neighbor, Muslim neighbor, or homosexual neighbor? Does how and whom I love consume you so much throughout your day that your focus simply can't stay off of me? News flash... I'm not all that! 

Jessica, why are you so fired up?

I woke this morning to this :

"I just can't take your anti-Biblical, anti-rational stances anymore. I have to unfriend you so that I do not respond. I hope you continue to minister to those with whom you come in contact. I think your ministry to orphans is commendable. I will pray for you."

Is unconditional love that offensive? How sad it is that so many not only miss but willingly ignore the opportunity to love well. My life is richer because of those whom I love and those that love me back. 

Emotions are a pain in the butt and parenting is far too hard some days!

When the twins were brought to us via foster care we were given a mountain of "they may never's, they won't, they cannot's". A plethora of limitations for 8 pound babies was a heavy load to carry. Those words and negative claims drove us as parents to fight even harder for these wee ones. We desired to change their words from "cannot's and never's" into " can's and will's"! Nine appointments per week for nearly five years, advocating until we were blue in the face, refusing to settle, and pouring in strength, positive words, and a strong faith has paid off. This journey is far from over and we often have set backs and new challenges but we embrace them head-on with a fierce determination.
Just yesterday a boy on our 6th grade daughters bus asked her if he paid her if she would perform a sexual act on him. The nauseating feeling that arose in me was one I can't fully describe. However, please don't get stuck on what the boy did as that is not the point. Remember those words and titles? If those were her forever story, her identity, who knows how the outcome of a situation like this would have turned out. That little girl didn't freeze in a state of anxiety, she didn't do what the boy asked out of fear, she got ticked off and told him to shut up. This is huge for her and makes every pain staking appointment gone to, meeting had, and tears shed worth it!
In parenting I find that without humor I wilt and most likely come close to death on a daily basis. So, to give you a bit of a chuckle and insight into my daily life you simply have to know the way in which I was informed of this.
My daughter was in the middle of doing her homework and looks up at me and asks me if I know what a $@*$*$ * is, confidently sure that I didn't and she having learned such wretched information knew it was her obligation to school me. However two other of my children were also doing their homework in the same area. Commence the school lesson I never wanted my children to learn as she spat out her one disgusting sentence explanation leading to mommy's much longer explanation of anatomy and appropriate vs. inappropriate discussion of such parts and their uses. I will have you know that I had a lot of things on my to-do list for the day however this was not one of them.
That courageous sixth grader chose to get on the bus this morning (not mom's 1st choice) and proceed to face this with bold strength. She has a meeting with the AP first thing when she gets to school and the look of empowerment on her face was out of this world as she walked out the door today.
Emotional overload for parents is a continuous roller coaster of joys and pains. Gonna be real here and say I hate roller coasters!