3:00 AM. Sleep nowhere in sight. My eyes may have a desire to close but can't through the tears and the spinning of my mind.
Someone has to stand in the gap for her - the HUGE gap, in our system, in our world. By now we have had over one hundred foster kids however this story, this injustice, this new reality has rocked me to the core. I learned long ago not to say that I couldn't be shocked however nothing prepares a heart for the hope and desire to be loved in the eyes of a tiny one with the biggest undeserved story.
Feel the hurt, embrace the truth in what is and move forward. This, I can do and sadly so can she. That is what chokes me up really. That she has too.
Fostering is wretchedly glorious, life changing, sacrificial, endless learning, and humbling. I love that it is what I was made to do, really I do.
Humor must encompass this reality otherwise I would be a bumbling idiot. In this, our present day truth we have in our house..... three languages that I as the mom (you know the asker of questions, answerer of all, chef, cleaner, saver of baby dolls, etc) can only speak one - English. This is a comedy show alone! Yes, I have learned "milk and cookies" out of survival thus the reason I am able to write this today.
If the language barrier wasn't enough we added in the dreaded lice. Now that I have you all itching your heads (don't worry this is a natural reaction to the word) I can say thankfully and proudly, that I am an expert at this as I have had (now) 21 foster kiddos with lice. Remember I said that fostering was humbling? One example... all those kids with lice and my kids nor husband and I ever got it! UNTIL...... I sent the kids to camp two years ago. Yes, they came home with gifts. I felt so defeated! Now our guests have made a comeback in our new sweetie and although we caught it early and only one head has fallen victim it is my least favorite of tasks.
I like a clean house (people even make fun of me for this) but I feel like a clean house holds a sense of order. With this many bodies in one house we desperately need order!
So as tears fall and I pray for our new little one this early morning laughter is mixed in as I am sanitizing what I am certain has no need to be, washing all things cloth, and vacuuming every square inch. So much for not looking like a bumbling idiot! Note to our friends and neighbors: it is safe to be around the kids. Well, as safe as it was before that is. I mean I am not promising no practical jokes or pond falling in type stuff. That is not covered in this disclaimer.

We must give of ourselves fully to what we are called to do. Our lives ought not be filled up with mere emptiness, rather abounding with excellence and a pouring out of oneself.  Go ahead, put your heart out there. Trust in what you are made to do and who made you to do it.