Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that is given not only to the one being forgiven but as well the forgiver. Every time yet another health issue stemming from choices made by a birth mom is placed on the canvas of my childrens stories I am reminded of this gift.

He was born without an iliac vein in the right side of his groin causing (thankfully) clumps of collaterals to attempt to do the job of that one major vein. Doctors assume this was most likely caused by his mom's meth use and the rate he developed being too fast. Having had several surgeries in attempts to fix the blood flow including a bypass that worked well for nearly a year and then failed causing the pressure and pain to return he has had his share of hospital trips.
During yesterdays procedure they found that his static venous pressure was still too high. When they tested it it should have decreased with his venoplasty but it didn't budge. His pressure was between 15 and 18 all the way up to his sternum, as far as they could go. Normal pressure is 0-5 I am told with 5 being the max. So the surgeon was concerned and wants him to see a cardiologist and have an echo cardiogram.

My yesterday was heavy and hard. My sister in law was by my side holding me up with positivity. "At least we know" she said. My gut twisted and turned at the sound of the words "at least". I have always considered those to be words of weakness. I want more than "at least" for my children! However I knew she was right and slowly comfort began to settle in. We do what we always do, we move forward and face it head on with faith not fear. This is simply another colorful part of his story.

Forgiveness threatens to be taken back at times as anger and fear attempt their feat to take control. This is the hard truth. However being confident in my faith I toss that thought far aside and choose to walk in light and hope. The minds unknown is unrelenting in its soul captivating quest for answers. Patience is my least favorite of friends yet we will become closer as we wait for Malachi's upcoming appointment.