Sometimes we have to force the good days to happen. When the joy is there yet the happiness is far out of reach, the forced, fake smile is placed on our faces and we put one foot in front of the other. 

My friends, this is where I find myself. Hurt by those I call friend, feeling helpless in the midst of medical mountains, facing unknown territory ahead, and watching hate in so many is extremely heavy. Although it is expected that pain come our way, welcomed it is not. 

Some of my bests happen when I am faced with a challenge. 

I am a survivor.

As brave as that sounds, even braver is the one who stills oneself in the midst of pain, feels it, embraces it, changes it. Becoming the thriver, and conquerer.  

Taking more than average to faze me or break me, I do have my limits and the straw that broke the camels back for me happened yesterday. 

Driving with two of my children to the beginning of all day doctor appointments, I hear a horn honk, look to my left, then feel the hit on my right. Looking to my right I see nothing, pull over and roll my window down. The woman that honked at me said I hit a dog. My heart sank as I looked and saw the dog pulling himself down the sidewalk. Thankfully the woman who saw it was a volunteer for a dog rescue and no joke a dog whisperer. This was a huge pit bull with a heavy nasty looking chain around his neck for a collar and he was growling. He was hurt but she said she had seen worse. Was she saying this to make me feel better or was he really going to be okay? This I cannot answer but I can tell you she was an angel! This massive, angry dog allowed her to place a leash around his neck and even pet his head. Another kind citizen called for animal control while I stood there frozen knowing I needed to compartmentalize this moment, tuck it away, and feel it later. At that moment however, I couldn't move so I stood there and painfully embraced what was playing out in front of me. My two children were watching this play out, that thought made my feet feel as if they were set in cement. 

Sadly I do not know how the dog is doing as animal control takes the dog and no information is given. Some may call my heartache for this dog silly but as I stood frozen, looking into his eyes, I saw much more. I saw my children's need to run when scared, peoples need to spew angry words when faced with pain and the unknown, my own need to stop and feel even when inconvenient, I saw the heaviness of the chains so many are forced to wear. 

My joy is real, flowing from the unending river given to me by God. My happiness is temporary and yes, sometimes forced. My feet found themselves cemented in a moment of needed emotional embrace yesterday. My children are fine and we all prayed for the dog we named '26'.