Today seems too heavy. Today is one thing after another. Today is a challenge, a test. Today my faith is being tried as I cling to it with all my might.
The past hurts both seen and unseen of tiny sweet souls takes its toll on my heart. I want to etch a sketch it away for them, to give them a new beginning to their story. I cannot.  Today is hard as I answer questions asking if I will always be their safe. Today is harder than most for some reason as I dig deep for the right words and hold back tears as I look into their eyes.

Today is hard as I reflect back on my time in Liberia doing missions. I miss the kids from the depths of who I am. I can still hear their giggles, smell the scent of their worked hard for sweat, and remember each and every story. Today I smile through the tears as I think back on what I learned and how I grew through the pain I saw and experienced. My smile grows when I recall all of the perseverance I witnessed. all of the joy felt and love shown.
Today is hard as I call the doctor for my daughter that has been sick for over two months. Tests gallore face us tomorrow and we hope and pray for answers. Today is hard to love and forgive the choices birth mom made that led to my daughters immune disease.
For everything hard today, there is a joy surrounding it.
I am filled with joy as I get to be the mamma for a short time to some incredible wee ones.
Joy overtakes my everything as I think about the blessing of calling Liberia my other home.
Joy abounds and I can barely breathe when I think of how blessed I am to be her mom.
I would and will take a million more hard todays knowing that this is my joyous reality.