Today I was supposed to be on an adoption panel but my son developed a fever and cough. He began to make a noise I hadn't heard from him yet. It was a cough. He is a very poor cougher - I had no idea this would be a struggle for him as he seems so strong. Long story short here, we made it through the night without visiting the hospital and have successfully used more kleenex than ever known to one human. He loves kleenex! His spirit astounds me. He struggles to cough or understand the 'how' part of it and then giggles. He simply radiates!
Back to reflecting on my life......
Presently I am in 'stuck' mode in my book writing. Really not sure why. I am surrounded by thought and emotion provoking people and situations daily. My children provide a plethora of ridiculous amounts of drama and excitement that I am certain I will never understand.
My daughter whom we have prayed will return has decided to come back to her original crazy life. She is one of the most amazing human beings to walk the planet and seeing her face on a daily basis feels like fresh air. Ok, let me add here that we disagree in the Neal house like loud Italians. Yes, the neighbors are welcome to get a taste as we do not do quiet well. This meaning that adding my way-too-much-like-me daughter back in just makes our cul de sac all the louder! Sorry neighbors! Or better yet, you are welcome for the money you will save not needing cable - just watch the Neal's.
Our son that was planning on going to prom is undecided about the human he wishes to go with. My heart breaks and rejoices simultaneously as he seeks to find himself and be real. These two children, biologically mine, were never supposed to be. They were 100% miracles and the awe never goes away. I really get to be their mom!
My daughter that has very little need for other people in or around her has finally found her place. She spends time out in a pasture with horses and ponies and says NOTHING! No words used at all yet she tells me they have things to say and she sees their qualities. Not only do I love her beauty but I love the beauty she sees that most cannot.
At two and a half we were his eleventh stop, his forever family, my son continues to amaze us. He is so thirteen! All the moments I thought we might never see or experience with him we are joyfully embracing. He mumbles in the morning like some sort of zombie has taken over his soul and worries about his plans for the weekend. Sure there are other not so joyous moments and past trauma still haunts him at times but to see how far he has come baffles us all.
My twins couldn't be more opposite from one another. My little "Martha Stewart/Mother Theresa" is a care taker and avid baker. Her hearts desire is to see everyone happy, healthy, and fed well.
Her brother is quite satisfied to be on the receiving end of the fed well movement in the Neal house as long as it involves a baked good. He loves video games, snuggles with mom, math, and all things sugar. He has crazy ugly days of pain that take over his entire being that the doctors are still working on fixing. The long process is in and of itself painful yet he happily presses on.
My youngest rules the roost with a fierceness. Her presence is without fail, known, heard, and felt. She is delightfully and passionately boisterous, she is a social butterfly, she is in love with the thought of her birth family, she is unique beyond unique.
My son that is rarely heard from yet prayed for daily is heavy on my heart. His life was one of the hardest I have ever heard of and his trauma worse than I ever wanted to know of. Yet even through all of that he is maintaining and keeps in contact when he can. I so love him.
My child a world away has yet to come home and yet to experience the Neal home and the hole in my heart for her is huge. I miss her every day.
My husband loves God and people better than anyone I have ever met. His heart is larger than life, his desire to love well spills out into everything he does. He looks amazing in spandex and is one of the fittest men on earth. I cherish him and all that he is. He loves me more than I could have dreamed, puts up with my moodiness, loves each and every creature and human I add to our home as his own if even for a short time. His willingness to be all out there for the sake of love and the sake of people is far beyond anything I have ever seen in anyone else. I love this man deeply.
As I reflect on all of this I really have a hard time believing this is my reality. It is wacky, busy, love wrapped, authentic, and all mine. I am exceptionally fortunate!
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