The roller coaster of a life I was meant to live.

Saturday brought an out of the blue, first ever seizure for my daughter that led to a trip to the emergency room only to leave with no answers. We chose to lay low for the remainder of the weekend and just be. Ahh, that felt good! Knowing that the week ahead held the strong likelihood of high stress outcomes, we savored every minute of our weekend.
On an average, there are anywhere from four to nine appointments that I journey out for weekly with the kids, most of which are routine and far from emotionally taxing. Today, however, was unsettling, vexing, and honestly downright ugly. Two simple appointments and we started off great, with my sons pre-op. He was cleared with flying colors for his first round of Botox and Phenol injections. On our way to loosening him up and preparing him to walk! We left there with smiles and a skip in our step (or wheels). No stress so far!
With some extra time on our hands we made our way over to one our favorite stores and then grabbed some lunch. Faces filled with delight, holding their new toys, we made our way to my other sons appointment. The title Interventional Cardiologist might scare some, but for us it was just another "ologist" to see and add to our list.
Our newly added "ologist" had far more to say than I was ready to hear, and I can take a lot! Maybe it is because I went in thinking we already had a small scare and everything turned out okay, or because we were just going to see him to "rule out" things. Whatever my mind had decided to believe kept me from worrying and I guess that is for the best. Dr. Smartypants (used huge "ology" words) was as nice as could be but as he spoke of the concerning factors and needed procedures, all I could see was horns coming out of his head. Was he the devil? Was this a bad joke?
Another, making that seven, surgeries will need to be done to test his venous pressure around his heart. Possible/probable placement of a balloon and/or stent if we are lucky, will need to be done. If we are not lucky? Well then, we will find an issue with the sack around his heart; that's when I went into the tunnel. My ears heard "if we find that, we will be looking at surgery, but if we find the other, we are talking transplant list". My mind however, heard transplant, and got stuck. I kept a solid "I am fine, and sure I got this" look on my face while my heart raced, my stomach turned and my mind reeled. What?!
Now, let me say that I strongly believe that he was simply being thorough and honest, giving me both the worst and best case scenarios. Problem is, I really didn't like either and as hard as I tried I couldn't get out of my tunnel vision.
Driving home my son was chatting with me a bit and I asked him how he felt about the appointment and what the doctor said. His reply yanked me out of my "stuck" instantly. "Mom, its not like this is our first rodeo, isn't that what you always say?"
There is a reason, a magnificently divine reason that I was gifted with being the mom of such perfectly imperfect medical puzzles. I may never fully understand the why, throw the occasional tantrum, and get stuck in my emotional tunnel at times, but I will never doubt that we were meant to be.
I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you that read my blog and dare to follow this emotional journey with us. Many of send positive words and thoughts and cover us in a blanket of prayer. Bless you!