Rape. It is an ugly word that stirs a kaleidoscope of emotional responsiveness in all people.

First come the scripture peppered kind words with promises of prayers, then the horror and deep sadness expressed, soon followed by the distancing, doubt, victim blaming, and quiet threat laced notes. 

Rape. Victim. 

If you are one of them, you had better toughen up and get some thick skin. What?!

Not only has the victim just experienced one of the greatest traumas but they need to prepare themselves for the upcoming putrid truth about to smack them in the face. No one wants to talk about rape - so they stuff their feelings. No one wants to shed light on the victim shaming  - so they keep silent. No one wants to be any part of the perpetrators story - so they loudly blame the victim and passively threaten. 

I am not one to stuff my feelings, keep silent, nor take threats lightly.  

Rape. It is an ugly word that stirs a kaleidoscope of emotional responsiveness in all people.  

In all parts of the world this is a common crime, some more than others but in no place is it unseen. I find it mind boggling that no matter the cultural difference the same blame and shame exists. Things (just a few) commonly said are:

Is she/he telling the truth? She/he might be lying.

    Doubting the victim re-victimizes!

She/he is ruining the rapists life and future.

    Really?! I'm pretty sure that the rapist already did a good job of that              themselves.

She/he didn't say no. 

   What if that victim was a child, terrified and frozen, threatened? 

Ignorance and tolerance is despicable. No justifiable excuse can be given to rapists and their supporters/apologists. 

Yes we did choose this. Thanks for pointing that out!
We chose the road paved with unimaginable heartbreak, the road with no sleep, the road with constant ridicule and judgment from "friends".
Just the other day I saw a post on a private group that exists solely due to the wretched and all too common "they chose that life" comments. Instantly I was infuriated and appalled. No, this is not new to any one of us who have chosen to adopt and/or foster kiddos with any sort of special needs, nonetheless it is pathetic!
So, as this has brewed a roaring fire in me for days I have CHOSEN not to stay silent. I mean after all not many do keep their mouths shut anymore, from the poor to the white house, all seem to be busting at the seems to speak their minds. In fact I find it sadly laughable as I watch the state of our society deteriorate. That being said, I think remaining silent on issues of value, like childrens lives and futures is a worthy reason to be boisterous.
One comment I recently heard said about another family was "well they should have seen that coming" when speaking of a medically fragile child's death. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?! Was your soul stolen by a vampire?! Yes, people really are allowed to roam free with this level of stupidity. I know, it shocks me too.
How about the comments that begin with praise, filling you up with saint-like glory and end like a reverse Psalm? Those are my favorite! I see them coming a mile away and just wait for it......the punch line! I gotta give credit to those of you who do choose to condemn, the creativity and the hours that must go into thoughts of unrestrained ugliness is at very least filled with stamina.
Now I simply can't go with out turning the table on this way of thinking. If the statement "well, they chose...." were turned???? Let's see how this would work.
Your spouse cheats on you - well you did choose to get married knowing the risks of a flawed mankind, so commence sucking it up.
Your biological child is diagnosed with a terminal illness - well you did choose to have children knowing the risks. I mean, really you could have aborted or placed for adoption.
You lose your job - well you did choose that career knowing job stability was iffy even if you were passionate about it.
Your choice of president didn't get elected - well prepare for hell on earth.
You get diagnosed with lung cancer - well you chose to smoke those cigarettes.
I think my point is clear with these examples, or at least I hope so.
To all you parents out there who are holding the hands of the children that will leave you far too soon, those that will face their abusers again, those that needlessly suffer, and those that will defy all negative odds, be strong! Your choice to carry the weight, to bear the burden for them is a priceless gift. Follow your heart and continue to choose what is right and good, continue to dismiss mans approval and hold your wee ones tight.

Vacancy!
That is my cover photo, an empty nest with a vacancy sign. It was five years ago that my family and I were in South Dakota. On one of those 'save your life but won't really save your life' railings on the side of the certain death drop offs was this nest. An empty nest with a vacancy sign was simply sitting there, no doubt placed by someone. I found instant comfort while simultaneously having the air sucked from me when I saw it. The meaning was far greater than its mere placement and size. Did I have a vacancy? Was my heart open to who and what was to come at any given time? Was I willing? Empty and clearly used in the past by a loving mother bird that eventually set her wee ones free. Could I do that again? Could I endure the pain, shed the tears, purposely love and knowingly lose? Or was my wording, my thinking, wrong? Losing was something those in need had already done, enduring mountains of unthinkable pain was sadly their specialty, selflessness was mine to choose and choose it I must.
Their eyes wide with a longing to trust yet a fear that guards and overpowers that urge they walk into our lives. They need our vacancy, your vacancy.
I have held meth addicted babies that tremor and cry with every touch painful to their sensitive young skin. I have cried joyful tears with a father who was reunited with his children after mom went on a binge and took them. I have tucked in thousands of little noses and toeses. I have seen social workers cry so hard they shake. I have adopted! I have seen arrest deportation warrants placed on five years old's. I have taught children how to get dirty and prayed some would learn to stay clean. I have filled that vacancy sign many times.
There are not enough vacancy signs!
My heart and willingness is no heroic-one-of-a-kind thing. You have it too! I have seen it in thousands of people. You don't have to take in 100 children. You don't have to take in a teenage boy if you have a teenage girl (PLEASE don't). You don't have to wear a cape or have some kind of super human power. You DO need your arms to hold, your heart to love, and you door to open.
Please would you consider becoming a foster parent and fill your vacancy?

Adoption cost facts made as simple as I can......

Adopting from foster care -
 Home study done through county - $0
 Finger prints for background and Adam Walsh checks $70 (ish) per person
 Meetings with county adoption workers $0
Court fees (including birth certificates etc.) $2000.00

Amount the state reimburses for adoption of waiting children - $2000.00

Medical and dental can/will be covered.

Funds available for camps, respite, and small per diem if special needs.

We have adopted five children through foster care, 1 privately, and two (almost) internationally. I can tell you without hesitation that adoption through foster care is incredibly amazing and worth it. Some of the perks are that you are with your child and are bonding the entire time, tons of support from the county, better chance of family history, and so on.

After finalization of a waiting child adoption the support can continue if you wish. You have the choice as to how much ongoing assistance you receive, how much bio family contact, etc.

Go to your local county website and check it out! Kids are sitting and waiting and praying and hoping to have forever homes.

Could you be a forever home?

Forty three years.
I have breathed the air of this glorious planet and built upon the foundation given, watched as my canvas was and is painted, and continue to be the coauthor of my own adventure - for the last forty three years.
We are hard pressed to find another soul walking among us that has not faced their share of distress and misfortune along with umpteen stories of miraculous survival and strength. These word pictures play out in colorful charm and allure most of the time. However, all too often, lurking behind the shadows of that charm and allure lies deceit and good intentions laced with self absorption that inflicts deep pain.
With a recent health scare my life has been rocked, opening my eyes, strengthening my will, and shining a new light on the value of life. Now more than ever I see the the importance of bold truth, loving without judgment, seeking to change a broken world, and standing firm for what is right.
What is right? For starters, caring for the orphans and the widows. This is right. If every family opened their homes to just one child just one time we would put the system out of work. Simple? Yep. Stop telling me that you could never do what I do. Yes you can. I find it near impossible to think of doing what you do yet if it would change the world I would. In all truth, most people when faced with dire need to do what is right, they too will step up.
Taking care of the planet. Do this. It is right. We will leave this planet for our children and their childrens children so take care of it.
Your body, your temple. Take care of it. You only get one! This is right.
Put others first, shut your mouths and open your ears, let all condemnation come to a screeching halt. Feed the hungry. Seek justice for those facing injustice. Never seek vengeance. Forgive those who have hurt you. Be grateful to those who sacrifice for our freedom. For the love of Pete, NEVER burn the American flag. These things are right.
Is it really so hard to do right?

3:00 AM. Sleep nowhere in sight. My eyes may have a desire to close but can't through the tears and the spinning of my mind.
Someone has to stand in the gap for her - the HUGE gap, in our system, in our world. By now we have had over one hundred foster kids however this story, this injustice, this new reality has rocked me to the core. I learned long ago not to say that I couldn't be shocked however nothing prepares a heart for the hope and desire to be loved in the eyes of a tiny one with the biggest undeserved story.
Feel the hurt, embrace the truth in what is and move forward. This, I can do and sadly so can she. That is what chokes me up really. That she has too.
Fostering is wretchedly glorious, life changing, sacrificial, endless learning, and humbling. I love that it is what I was made to do, really I do.
Humor must encompass this reality otherwise I would be a bumbling idiot. In this, our present day truth we have in our house..... three languages that I as the mom (you know the asker of questions, answerer of all, chef, cleaner, saver of baby dolls, etc) can only speak one - English. This is a comedy show alone! Yes, I have learned "milk and cookies" out of survival thus the reason I am able to write this today.
If the language barrier wasn't enough we added in the dreaded lice. Now that I have you all itching your heads (don't worry this is a natural reaction to the word) I can say thankfully and proudly, that I am an expert at this as I have had (now) 21 foster kiddos with lice. Remember I said that fostering was humbling? One example... all those kids with lice and my kids nor husband and I ever got it! UNTIL...... I sent the kids to camp two years ago. Yes, they came home with gifts. I felt so defeated! Now our guests have made a comeback in our new sweetie and although we caught it early and only one head has fallen victim it is my least favorite of tasks.
I like a clean house (people even make fun of me for this) but I feel like a clean house holds a sense of order. With this many bodies in one house we desperately need order!
So as tears fall and I pray for our new little one this early morning laughter is mixed in as I am sanitizing what I am certain has no need to be, washing all things cloth, and vacuuming every square inch. So much for not looking like a bumbling idiot! Note to our friends and neighbors: it is safe to be around the kids. Well, as safe as it was before that is. I mean I am not promising no practical jokes or pond falling in type stuff. That is not covered in this disclaimer.

We must give of ourselves fully to what we are called to do. Our lives ought not be filled up with mere emptiness, rather abounding with excellence and a pouring out of oneself.  Go ahead, put your heart out there. Trust in what you are made to do and who made you to do it.

"If I look at the mass, I will never act, If I look at the one, I will."

 - Mother Theresa

There I sat, in a heap of unmovable pity. My own voice my enemy and my truth clouded with black smoke of pessimism.   Not my usual self. Not my normal "fighter" attitude. 

I have to honest, when we were planning our trip to Liberia to get our son, with joy overflowing as well came the emotional long awaited news of finally being able to begin the process of adopting our daughter. We had known for nearly three years that we loved her and wanted to add her to our family.  The joy was, in truth, mixed with a sense of exhaustion. It felt as if I were in the delivery room embracing my new child and the doctor telling me I was pregnant again. 

Adoption is a wild ride and full of emotional set backs, tears of joy and pain, fear, frustration, fundraising, oh my goodness.... fundraising. 

We made a promise to our family both near and far that we would carry this adoption pregnancy to term. Not out of obligation but out of a deep love and longing for our family to be complete - she is missing from our complete.

The exhaustion has been wiped away and our whole family is more then ready to get our girl, to share life with her, to be blessed by and to her. We are now filled with expectation and anticipation. Each and every time I check my email or pick up the phone I wonder if the good news will come. We await the day that we get the call to go and get her. 

Oh wait!

As we wait for that call we have to finish working to get the funds to pay for the adoption fees. 

So we wait and we fund-raise, and fund-raise, and, well you get the idea.

It absolutely astounds me that I even have a single friend left on social media after all my posts are about our adoption. Yet, somehow not one person has been rude or even stopped saying kind words. Although I know you all think we are nuts - this may be true. 

This blog is about seeing the one - not the masses. 

Our one is a beautiful girl who with each passing day awaits to be unorphaned, to come home. I see her face in my mind every time I close my eyes and hear her raspy laugh and can't wait for her to be amongst her siblings enjoying being a Neal.