That spring held what seemed like endless mornings of everything right. Mom woke up before me and with a smile and a silly song she would sing me awake. I still sing this same song to my kids today. She was stone cold sober and the feeling it gave me was indescribable. The feeling of being worth it flooded over me each morning as I looked into her clear bright eyes.

Those sober mornings were some of my favorite ever. We would put Andy Gibb on the record player and turn the volume up as loud as it would go. Dancing and singing to the most handsome man with the highest voice - we never failed to wake the neighbors. I remember wondering one day if they knew, knew that my mom was sober because she chose to be for herself and for me. Knew that it took more strength than even Superman had to be sober.  Knew that Andy Gibb was our happy place, knew that the noise was the most joyous noise to my ears. I wonder if they knew?
As spring morphed into summer mom simply couldn't hold on. The evil claws of addiction sunk in once again. I held tight to the morning songs I woke to, I hid our special record so no one could take it, and I went back into survival mode. I was comfortable there and navigated it well. Addiction took her away again that summer. My mom was present but was not there. I could touch her but not feel her. Emptiness was my unwelcomed constant companion. These seasons were the story of my life for many many years to follow. I'm not sure why but the saddest part of it all to this day is that we lost our Andy Gibb records.
Sometimes, some of us in life must dig deep for the memories that are golden. Those memories are to be cherished, our happy place memories.
Today on my daughter's 6th birthday I am reminded of the treasured days I had with my mom when she was really there and her beautiful heart for people. With all honesty my heart breaks as I mourn the dream of listening to Andy Gibb with her and her grandchildren.
I will dance to the crazy music of today with my children singing loudly all of my days, giving them no need to dig deep in search of happy place memories.